Thank you, thank you, thank you….. To all my true friends, family and loved ones. I have been to the presuppose of darkness and pushed over the edge by things of which I have no control over. Not unlike the musician that leaps from the stage at a concert into a sea of hands that hold them up, all of you stood your ground and refused to let me down. You shuttled me raised up to the bottom of the mountain and yelled climb!!! The touch, phone calls, e-mails, personal conversations lifted my spirits and showed me that I have imparted a small part of humanity in all of you thru friendship.
The importance of true friendship shines thru all, even thru the worst of what others do to you. Not one of you floundered and abandoned friendships or love and proved it by communicating during my time of pain. You have also shown that filling your life with superficial friends leaves you always looking for something to fill a huge void. I know that letting others judge you is not what I want and realize the greater value in being you. My past blog I made quote about surrounding oneself with friends and expecting nothing in return. I did not truly understand the importance until now.
Hit hard from a touching email from my former co-worker and friend Bruno Lucidarme at Hard Rock Tool. I saw him reach out to all of you in support of me in my time of need and understood then that people have compassion and that is what people that really care do for non-superficial friendships. They do it because they have character, honor, and integrity. He climbs mountains all thru California and the west coast states and chronicles his adventures with photos and personal journals of each and every climb so he can look back in time and have something to cherish and remember. A post he made in his journal about me as he climbed the mountain struck me. http://s43.photobucket.com/albums/e378/luciano136/Other%20-%20Hikes-Mountains/CA%20-%20White%20Mtn%20Peak%20-%20Jul%2019th%202009/ Bruno could have easily gotten lost in the expansive view and the vastness of beauty. He took the time to think about me and my journey instead of his own as he paid tribute to me instead. I am glad to be a part of his legacy forever in writing, photo, and memory. Thank you Bruno, keep sending the photos.
I told someone that I loved I had nothing else to offer the world and the only thing I would leave behind as my legacy was my house that I worked so hard to complete. She misunderstood me, I was wrong. As beautiful as it may be, brick, mortar, four walls and a roof do not define me. I completed my dreams and did my best to fulfill another’s to no avail. My legacy are the stories that I have with all of you. The ones that are untold and new memories yet to be made. I have the spirit of conviction knowing that those of you that have know me and my plight for many years are aware of the truth.
I am not seeking happiness like others because I have already found it in myself. Having the opportunity to speak with counselors to help understand the desire to please someone else my eyes can see clearly that unless someone else is willing to accept help and let their guard down to let someone into their heart there is nothing you can do for them.
Rest assure, with friends like you, I will never turn my back and run from adversity when times are toughest. Thanks for holding me high and helping me see thru the darkness of what is being done. I make a promise to all that know the truth. I will not give up. I’ll fight until the end. I am a man of honor, compassion, and truth. I don’t break promises.
By the way….. Thanks everybody that helped to “slap the rose colored beer goggles of love off my face!”
Keep a watchful eye for my next Blogs!!!!!! To the almost one hundred friends, family and strangers that have spoken to me, Thank you.
Derek
FINALLY :) Derek, I am so happy for you!I knew you could do it~ I love you so much my big brother!!! :)
ReplyDeleteHey Derek! Keep the faith. Your disease is tough, but people do handle it, with luck and love. I'm partly paralyzed on my right side, for 7.5 years now; but I've done a lot since then. I recall the days of despair, when some simple task was repeatedly impossible; but they are memories now. We can learn to live with a lot!
ReplyDeleteCheers and best wishes, "MoapaPk"
So glad you were able to move past the pain. I always think of a quote from Richard Bach's book Illusions. "We are all. Free. To do. Whatever. We Want. To Do." I am happy you have decided to continue on in happiness and not pain and sadness.
ReplyDeleteWith Love,
Jacki
You are so right when you say your legacy is not in the house you built, but in the stories you have with all your friends and family. The people with whom you have left your handprint on their heart. That is far better than any "material" legacy you could leave behind. It is eternal and will never fade away.
ReplyDeleteThese storms we have in life may try to strip many things away from us, but they can never take away our "true" friends and love ones. They will always be there, picking you up when you fall.
Thank you for sharing your life with us Derek. I know you are a strong individual and will make it through to the other side of this.
Keep the faith!! We all love and care about you! - Missy (Your friend forever!!)
Way to fight bud!!!. Remember you have those 100 or so friends in your corner. Keep looking up thru all of this. Thru God all things are possible.
ReplyDeleteLove ya Pal!!
Ron Dawg
Your story continues to unfold and your legacy is powerful. Our lives are quilted in and through the lives of others that God brings in our paths for however long a time. One day you'll see your completed quilt and it will be breathtaking!
ReplyDeleteYour strengths and your weaknesses make you who you are. Never be ashamed of that. Our family and friends fill and draw from those blessings and that helps complete us in a sense. Where you are strong, someone else may be weak and vice versa. You have so many great qualities - remember that always! I'm so proud of the progress you've made and the obstacles you are overcoming. Stay strong in your walk with God and rest in the peace He offers. Allow all those who love you, fill in the missing gaps right now. :O) With much love and many prayers ~ Ange
Hey Derek! I sent you a note earlier.
ReplyDeleteThough the cause is different, I too have ataxia; mine is cerebellar. I've learned to hide it quite well, but it was a real shock when it first hit.
Sleep helps! Alcohol hurts, as do many other drugs. I've gradually learned to use my upper brain (cerebrum) to consciously substitute deliberate motions for the things my cerebellum did (automatically) in the old days. If the sh*t really hits the fan, I can take a muscle relaxant to stem the spastic behavior.
I know there are many causes of ataxia, but I hope you overcome yours.
Some of the exercises they had me do in PT actually accentuate ataxia -- watch out for therabands. You don't want to do things that send your limbs into spasm.