Telling the truth

My friends I need to tell you I have been lying to all of you. I hope you will understand i have done it for your benefit more than mine. I've told you when you asked me "Derek how are you doing ,or how are you?"My response's either in person as been a flippant one of "oh, I'm fine or I'm hanging in there!" but that's a big lie. I'm not. I feel like shit and it's not getting any better.The truth of the matter is the new treatments that my new doctor, Dr Hojnacki doesn't seem to be working just yet.

He has a new plan of every 4 weeks with infusions of high dose steroids then 4 week of chemotherapy treatment infusions then see how it works and if I don't respond blood transfusions to be done 6 weeks apart. All In hopes of wiping my immune system clean and starting it anew. This is a very controversial optional treatment but I have to fight and never give up. I know this shit is hard on my body and even more on my mine, because I have to do it alone. It makes me angry and most of all abandoned and betrayed. I made promises and never did I think I would be alone for the ones that were made in return to me. I have not said bad things about who i thought was my best friend but it seems that now its time for me to stop pretending that my life was not a big lie too. Talk about a giant let down and I feel so stupid for giving my love away now to be turned away!!! talk about hurt. I will take watever MS dishes my way,but to feel the firey stab of betrayal hurts more than you can imagine. Ive lost my best friend

Im trying to deal with the house selling and all the other things and the rentals that I'm left with
and running out of money quickly. I mind is not working properly because of MS and all the drugs I'm on. thinking is too hard so i feel like im in some kind of a fog that never clears.

I need Help!!!

Thank you all for your support, it means the world to me. Letters, post cards, emails and phone calls don't go unappreciated. Thank you friends.

Derek

Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not
attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Helen Keller